Herman the German Merman

Whilst aboard a large and luxurious sailing ship, you’re approached by a group of friendly Mermen. Their handsome leader smiles and waves, as he calls out a charming, if heavily accented, greeting.

Do you:

A) With dampened down towels and chaise lounges provided, invite them aboard for a nice cold glass of Riesling and a bit of a chat?

Go to 187

B) Engage in a trade based conversation via loud hailer, while they remain at a distance and in the water?

Go to 224

C) Mercilessly attack them from a safe distance with bales of flaming death from the ships many catapults?

Go to 731

D) Hurriedly unfurl the ships sails, throw all weighty and valuable merchandise over the side and flee screaming at maximum knotage?

Go to 461

E) Offer them money. Power too. Offer them all that you have and more?

Go to 937

187: Herman the friendly German Merman laughs happily as his underlings set fire to your ship, sinking it and killing everyone aboard other than you. All your treasure is lost and you wake lying prostrate across some floating flotsam. One eye is full of tears, the other full of sharp wooden splinters.

Lose five Wealth levels and three Destiny levels but gain one Story level, a ‘Oh my God, I’ve lost a fricking eye, Permanent vision loss’ card AND a ‘Survivors guilt’ card.

223: Herman the friendly German Merman laughs happily as his underlings set fire to your ship, sinking it and killing everyone aboard other than you. All your treasure is lost and you wake lying prostrate across some floating flotsam. One eye is full of tears, the other full of sharp wooden splinters.

Lose five Wealth levels and three Destiny levels but gain one Story level, a ‘Oh my God, I’ve lost a fricking eye, Permanent vision loss’ card AND a ‘Survivors guilt’ card.

461: Herman the friendly German Merman laughs happily as his underlings set fire to your ship, sinking it and killing everyone aboard other than you. All your treasure is lost and you wake lying prostrate across some floating flotsam. One eye is full of tears, the other full of sharp wooden splinters.

Lose five Wealth levels and three Destiny levels but gain one Story level, a ‘Oh my God, I’ve lost a fricking eye, Permanent vision loss’ card AND a ‘Survivors guilt’ card.

731: Herman the friendly German Merman laughs happily as his underlings set fire to your ship, sinking it and killing everyone aboard other than you. All your treasure is lost and you wake lying prostrate across some floating flotsam. One eye is full of tears, the other full of sharp wooden splinters.

Lose five Wealth levels and three Destiny levels but gain one Story level, a ‘Oh my God, I’ve lost a fricking eye, Permanent vision loss’ card AND a ‘Survivors guilt’ card.

937: Herman the friendly German Merman laughs happily as his underlings set fire to your ship, sinking it and killing everyone aboard other than you. All your treasure is lost and you wake lying prostrate across some floating flotsam. One eye is full of tears, the other full of sharp wooden splinters.

Lose five Wealth levels and three Destiny levels but gain one Story level, a ‘Oh my God, I’ve lost a fricking eye, Permanent vision loss’ card AND a ‘Survivors guilt’ card.

The ‘Oh my God, I’ve lost a fricking eye, Permanent vision loss’ card.
Until you find some way of regrowing your missing eye, you lose ‘2’ from your movement die and if your final (including reduction) dice roll equals ‘1’ you gain the ‘I'm completely lost’ card.

The 'I'm Completely Lost' card.
Whenever you roll (revised or otherwise) a '1', the player who hates you the most, elects which direction you move that pathetic ‘1’ in. You keep this card until the end of the game or the 'Apocalypse', whichever comes first. (Probably the Apocalypse.)

The ‘Survivors guilt’ card.
Until you manage to raise all the lost sailors back from the dead, you feel so overcome with guilt you must immediately give all your (positive only) benefit cards away to the player who whines that they're in last place and/or shouts the loudest.

WTF?!